Facing My Giants

This past week I had time to watch one of my all-time favorite movies again–Facing the Giants by Sherwood Pictures. I absolutely LOVE this movie, and I totally cannot STAND football. How in the world could I like this movie so much when the main character is a football coach?

Well, you see, it’s because, although the movie USES football, the movie is not ABOUT football. This movie has so many incredible truths woven into every part of it, it blows me away anew every time I see it. And I always have to cry while watching it, no matter how many times I’ve seen it, and even though I know what’s going to happen…there is power in this movie. Because GOD is totally in it.

The joy of watching a movie or reading a book more than once is that, each time you see it, you are at a different point in life, and different things are going to stand out to you, depending on where you are in your walk with God, and what He has been doing in your life. I have seen this movie 3-4 times now, and each time, I come away chewing on something different. The first time I saw it, I was in college. 2 months away from finishing. And the main thing that I remembered walking away that night was,
“Give it your best. Leave everything on the field. Do your best and leave the rest up to God.” The second time I saw this movie, I was watching it on my laptop one day. And the truth that leaped out at me was ‘surrender’. Just surrender. I watched the extra features on the DVD, and the movie became so much closer to my heart as I realized that the football coach’s wife, who, in the movie, had to surrender her will to have children to God, in real life, her dream was to do cinema for God. And she had to surrender that dream. And now, now look at her, the second main character on an incredible Christian movie! I was blown away!! The third time I saw this movie, I was watching it with my siblings after borrowing the DVD from a friend. And this time what really stood out to me was the amazing way God works through all the details. His timing is perfect.

But when I watched this movie last week for the fourth time, the main theme of the movie itself was the truth that spoke to my desperate, searching heart. ‘Facing the Giants’. Face your giants. Face MY giants.

What am I afraid of? What am I running from? What are my giants? The NARHA certification test. Not being able to see. Surgery, the hospital. Photography, and being good. I have got to do as Grant Taylor did and GIVE God everything! If God never lets me see again, will I still love Him? If God doesn’t let me pass the test, will I still love Him? If God takes away everything I love and never lets me find my dreams, will I still love Him? I WILL still love Him!

I have got to stop running away from and hiding from what I am afraid of, and start giving it to God. I need to prepare my fields for rain. Instead of being afraid of failing the NARHA test, I first have to give it to God and totally let go and surrender. After that, I have got to give it my best–study my heart out about horses, get out there and ride till I have no muscles or energy left in me. Instead of being afraid that I will never see again, I have got to give it to God, then do my best to take care of my eyes. Instead of being afraid that I will never be a good photographer, I have to surrender my dreams to God, then get out there and learn and practice as much as I possibly can. Instead of being afraid that I will lose everything, every one, and every animal I love, I have to surrender them to His hands, then invest into them and enjoy them as much as I possibly can.

I have been running away too long. I am scardy cat of way too much. I don’t want to run. If David can kill Goliath with a stone, if David Childers, a back-up football kicker, can kick a 51 yard field goal, I can face what I am afraid of, too.

“There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out all fear”

Off to battle my giants!

Thoughts From Verity Graduation Weekend 2009

Well, Verity graduation is over for another year. What an incredible ceremony and weekend this has been! Crazy, hectic, sleepless—yet full of love and joy of the Lord! As Mr. Gothard said, there is no other university or school in the world where there is so much one accord in the student body. Verity is something so special…because God allows it to be so. Everything about this weekend pointed to Christ, and it was beautifully refreshing to me! Like Joshua Cook said, “Verity has been a refuge.” Ultimately, God is the refuge of our souls. But Verity is a welcome refuge from the cruel world we live in. And how GOOD it has been for my soul and spirit to be washed and saturated in truth and true Christian fellowship—Verity style!—again. God is so good. So, so good to me!

I miss this place. Mostly the people and what I experienced during my 2 years here. I am so torn…so torn. Confused…uncertain…? Definitely. But I will not let the fear of the uncertainty of the future rob me of the JOY that living each day of my life can bring me, if I let it.

There is much good here. I am SO pleased with and excited for all God has done, is doing, and will continue to do through Verity. Sometimes I wish that I could still be a part of it, but then I remember: Only what He wills.

“One thing is needful”. And only one thing…to sit at the feet of Jesus for as long as He gives me breath!

I will not allow any idols to take His affection or place in my heart I will love whole-heartedly for Christ wherever He leads me.

I will stop being so self-centered and arrogant. I will be the servant of the King, doing whatever I can/He asks me that will bring Him the most glory.

I will be His…and His alone…for as long as He lends me breath. I am not here because of me or for me—but because of Him and for Him.

I am so excited about what God is doing in my life. Even though it looks like ABSOLUTELY NOTHING—I believe there is a Sun behind the clouds.

I want to shine for Him To reach and take hold of the light, push the button, be filled with power, and light my world—brighten my corner. I want to go forth for Christ.

God is good. I am so overwhelmed right now, but I trust the hand of the one Who is leading me!

What a joy and breath of fresh air Verity was to my soul this weekend! It was SO GOOD to go back this time! I mean, I enjoyed going back the last few times, but this time was the first time I was finally, FULLY free. You see, leaving Verity was so hard for me, and the way I left was so hard for me too, that, in order to “ease” the pain, I just didn’t think about it, and I locked it all away and “tried to forget it”. But in locking away the beautiful, precious loving memories that brought so much joy and pain…I also locked away/forgot the TRUTH I learned at Verity and all the lessons God so lovingly taught me during my time there. And I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to unlock the pain, unlock the truth, unlock the lessons, the memories, the love. And finally, by God’s grace, I am able to do that. And I praise His name for His ever faithful grace to do so! To HIM be the glory!

Me and Charity!

Charity, me, Bekah, Kristina z

Me and Bekah!

More pictures of the weekend on my Flickr account:-)

Satisfied?

It is late now. Almost 11 PM. I usually like to be in bed by now, but obviously, I am not tonight. After a long hard day of physical labor out in the heat, I am content where I am right now. A nice cold shower satisfied my overheated body. A good meal has satisfied my stomach. Cool water has satisfied my thirst. This soft chair has satisfied my aching feet. Chocolate has satisfied my sweet tooth. The music playing off of my computer satisfies my ringing ears. Work well done satisfies my conscience. Kind deeds done for others satisfy my heart for the moment. And for everything that has been satisfied, my spirit still seeks. My body can be satisfied with earthly things; my spirit, however, is desperately longing for more of the Lord, fellowship with Him and fellow Christians; and to see His power and glory more evident in my life and in those around me.

I don’t know why I want more. I have seen Him at work SO MUCH in my life and in the lives of those I love these past few months, and it makes my heart SING for joy. I guess the more I see and know of Him and His character, heart, and goodness, the more I want. Greedy of me, I know. Then again, I can be a very selfish person. Very set in my ways, stuck in a rut, wanting things MY way. Lately I have become so focused on earth, on me, on working, on THINGS. I need so desperately to step back and take a longer glimpse of the BIG picture. To just BE and not do. To just be, and be enough. Be satisfied in Christ. Only when I turn my eyes completely on Him and let go of what I am holding onto in my hands, and fully trust and follow His will for my life, can my heart and soul be happy and satisfied.

Hallelujah, I have found Him, Whom my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies my longings, through His blood I now am saved!

Satisfied…a beautiful thing-)

Goldie: From Great Rags to Great Riches

She didn’t look like much when I first saw her. She looked like a skinny, scrawny, feisty fleabag, to be precise. One of the program directors at a center we visit had found her out in the pasture, obviously an abandoned feral kitten. “I don’t want to keep her,” the lady informed us. “But I didn’t want to leave her there.” Deborah looked at the kitten that was fighting on the end of a leash, and sighed. She already had about 40 cats, and had acquired almost 10 kittens that year. “Please, take it, I don’t know what to do with it, I have to go to the hospital, I think I’m having a heart attack.” The lady informed us when it was time for us to leave. I gave Deborah the, ‘you know we already have enough cats’ look. But what could we do? “Put her in the van,” Deborah said. So the kitten came home with us.

We put her in the bunny barn with another feral kitten we were trying to tame down. It turned out to be a good match. Oreo loved having the new, scrawny, whiny kitten…heaven knows why! Deborah sprayed that kitten with flea killer and stuffed her full of dewormer, and gave her some canned cat food. She’d be all right for then. That was last fall. She stayed in that crate with Oreo for many months, coming out only on a leash, supervised. After all, she was a ‘wild, feral’ cat.

But over time, love and canned cat food began to win her over. She began rubbing on the side of the cage when we approached, instead of retreating and hissing. She loved to get out and play. With food, she quickly filled out; with parasite treatment, her fur got softer and healthier, as did her whole body. She was dubbed “Goldie” by some of the volunteers, and even though she is more brown than gold, the name stuck. She got spayed at 6 months old, and got her shots. We had been waiting to spay her before allowing her to roam free.

We began letting her out during the day with Oreo to romp. The two of them ran and played, but at night, we coaxed them back in with a can of food. After about a week of this, we decided it was safe to leave them out. So Goldie and Oreo finally had run of the farm. The bunny barn is still their haven, and they retreat there or under it when scared.

Now Goldie is fat, spunky, loving, and healthy. She sports a new blue leather collar, and she wears it quite proudly, as if she knows that it means she belongs to somebody. She loves to jump up on people, and will hitchhike on your shoulders or head around the farm, rubbing, and rubbing, unable to get close enough to humans, contact, touch, or love.

We took her to pet therapy for the first time this week. Everybody exclaimed over the cute little kitten. It was no coincidence that this kitten’s first nursing home visit happened to be at the very place where she had been “given” to us. Nobody recognized her. Of course they didn’t…she was a totally different cat. “Ohhh, is this the cat Sherry gave you?!” They all exclaimed. “Is she up for adoption now?”

The air was quiet. Goldie froze on my shoulders, as if listening closely for the words that Deborah would speak. But Deborah’s words must have given Goldie confidence, for they came from an ever-confident heart of love. “NO, she’s not. She’s our cat now.”

What words to hear! To go from a nobody to belonging to somebody-who LOVED you so much!

“We tried adopting her out,” Deborah informed them. “Nobody wanted her. Now that she’s spayed, has her shots, and we’ve tamed her down and trained her, everybody wants her. But she’s not going anywhere. The farm is her home.”

As I watched Goldie flop out on the chairs next to the residents and give them her little kitten grin as she flicked her tail, I smiled. What a cat. What a story…what a life! Goldie knows what it is like to be a nobody. To be at the end and bottom of all a cat could ever be. Yet a little love..has brought her the greatest riches she will ever know: To be loved, and to love back.

Now this once wild, feral, fleabag cat is a therapy cat, bringing SMILES and laughter to so many people who were silent and quiet before she came in. Goldie lifts their spirits and ministers to them. For she knows. She knows what it is like when nobody likes you or comes to see you. She knows what it is like to be alone.

Isn’t it amazing how God chooses to work through a scrawny, sickly, abandoned, unloved cat? But isn’t it so much more amazing how HE gave us a home in heaven…taking us from the pits of sin, death, darkness, and evil, and giving us salvation and eternal life? Treating our sickness, and giving us a new life? Aren’t you glad to know that we are not up for adoption now? We are CHRIST’S, and will belong to Him forever! And isn’t it so HUMBLING to know that He chooses to work through the lowliest of sinners-now saints saved by grace?

I think it is. And I bet if she understood God’s love as we do, Goldie would, too.

Bound for Peru:-)

“For the love of God constrains us, because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead. And that He died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto Him which died for them, and rose again. Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh, yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature, old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation. To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them, and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are AMBASSADORS for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us, we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God. For He hath made Him to be sin for us who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.”

I love those verses. Those last few are my life verses. That is, after all, what the name Michelle means: Ambassador of Christ; One who officially represents God.

And God is forever good! Life has been weird and tricky the past few years, but God is always faithful! My Dad has now been in Colorado working for over a year, and we continue to wait on God’s timing in the sale of our house. Although we still do not know why or how God is leading, it is okay. I have enjoyed the precious year on the farm, doing as much as I possibly can before God calls me on to leave.

There are many things in life I enjoy, however, they can be summed up into a few general particular PASSIONS of mine. Animals, photography, video, writing, missions, and communicating to name a few of them. The past 6 years I have followed my love of animals, which led me to Kopper Top, and the people I have encountered and fallen in love with along the way. I love animals and communications, and would be happy to follow both of them for the rest of my life. Yet continually, the doors for photography, writing, video, and missions have been slammed shut in my face, leaving me with one option left: my animals.

However…this summer, God has been opening the doors and making it very clear to me that I can return to PERU!!! I am sooo excited about it. I have been longing to go back for two years…ever since I came back from the 8.0 earthquake trip. But the doors had never opened. Until now. Now…now, it is so clear to me, and I am SO EXCITED to follow in God’s path and plan for my life! Darby is stoked about going as well, and very eager to capture the work of God on film (err, memory cards).

Looking back on it all, and looking forward to it all, there is only one thing I can say: God is SO FAITHFUL and SO GOOD to me!!!!! He truly does give us the desires of our hearts, and align our passions and hearts with His! If you had asked me when I was 8, 10, 12, 16, even 18, if I would ever want to be a missionary, I would have responded with an emphatic, “Are you crazy?! No way!” But now…that is one of the biggest burning passions of my heart. GOD changed my heart, and I am so humbled and grateful to Him. God can change hearts. God can take a heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. I know He can. I have felt Him do it with my own heart.

I am so excited and can hardly wait till this summer! I have met a lady who grew up in Ecuador and she is helping me brush up on/learn Spanish! I have been going to a Spanish church with her, and whew, is that taxing my memory and mind! Although I continually discover I know more than I think I do, which is encouraging…but I still have a long ways to go! My mom sent me to the bookstore with my sisters tonight to buy a gift for their friend’s birthday party (I was being lazy and didn’t really want to leave the house, but I did), and what did God put in my path but two Spanish CDs with hymns and choruses in Spanish!! I love Spanish…it is a beautiful language. And there are few more beautiful sounds than to listen to the nations worshipping God!!

My God is good, and I will triumph in the works of His hands! May I ALWAYS be an ambassador for Him, whether here in the States or in other nations across the world!

May the life I live reflect the FAITH that I believe!!

Joyfully,

Michelle

“I Will Always Remember This Night…”

“Thou wilt show me the path of life, in Thy presence is fullness of joy, at Thy right hand there are pleasures forevermore…A man’s heart deviseth his way, but the Lord’s purpose, it shall prevail.”

Ahhhh, off my feet at last! Today has been a crazy, rainy Monday at home. My Mom had a party for the mothers in the homeschool group, so from about 8:30 AM we have been cooking up all kinds of concoctions in the kitchen! Since tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day, my Mom, never one to miss a theme, had Irish food on the meun–much of which we had never made before. The brownies turned out amazingly good–till she ruined them by putting mint on them–bleck! I sat and iced I don’t know how many shamrock cookies with green mint icing while Mom mixed up the Irish Soda Bread. Now that wasn’t too hard, and I liked the end result, but most of my siblings didn’t really care for it. Of course, in between all the cooking comes lunch, and washing the dishes, and it’s about 2-3 before I get upstairs to my computer to sit down and do some other work. The internet’s being screwy. Lovely. Then Mom comes running in…”Michelle, I need some more green M&Ms or something!” So I went tearing off to the store. Of course, Target had sold out of their green Hershey kisses, so I drove down to Big Lots, because I KNEW they had green M&Ms.

I got home, and dinner was cooking, Mom was getting ready to leave. Dinner was good–my favorite–Macaroni and cheese:-) Mom leaves, the kids turn the TV on, and I began to make a cake.

Tomorrow we have a birthday party booked at the farm for a little girl from California, who can’t wait to be on the farm, see the animals, and ride the horses! So I had volunteered to make the cake. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? God had other plans. I started mixing the cake around 6 PM. My brain was on ‘away’, but I caught my mistakes in time…or so I thought. The cakes are in the oven to bake. I washed the dishes, and prepared to make the icing. I actually managed to get the cake board cut out myself–I was very pleased:-) The cakes came out of the oven–horrible! Total sinkholes! Arrg! I tried to rescue them, but I knew it was fruitless. So I put the cupcakes in to bake, and started mixing another cake. My sister walks in, “I smell something burning.” “Naww,” is my response. She opens the oven, and I smelled it too. GREAT. Cupcake batter ALLL over the bottom of the oven, burning! So we turn the fans on, open the windows (even though it’s cold and rainy out), and try to get the smell out of the house. They finish baking, horrible, of course, and I took them out. Turned the oven off. Meanwhile, Hannah had made popcorn to mask the burnt smell. We’re both kneeling down on the floor in front of the open oven, scraping the burnt on cake batter off the bottom of the oven. At last, it comes off, I put the racks back in, and turn the oven on. Mixed up the other cake, careful to follow every instruction to a T! In the oven they go, while Hannah is running around blowing through a long cinnamon stick to help the house smell better.

Those cakes came out better…definitely something was off tonight!!, but I didn’t know what. So the cupcakes cook. I rescue the cakes as best as possible, wash the mixing bowl, then start on the icing. Hannah and I both peered into the bowl, trying to figure out what it needed next. “It needs more milk,” I said. “That’s not enough icing, Michelle, you need to put more powdered sugar.” “Fine, fine!” I said. Hannah got the scissors and opened the bag of powdered sugar. She was dumping it into the container, when it caught an air pocket, and went all over the counter and into the air. I looked at her, and we both CRACKED up laughing! The counter was a COMPLETE wreck—icing, powdered sugar, and milk all over it…cake crumbs all over the floor, the smell of burnt cake batter in the air…and we were laughing. “Well, at least we’re having fun, Hannah,” I remarked dryly. “Yeah, Michelle! I will always remember this night!” she exclaiimed.

Those words have stayed with me. “I will always remember this night!” She will, for sure! Helping her crazy oldest sister with some floppy cakes in the kitchen…she was thoroughly enjoying being the next oldest girl home:-) But I thought about her words…how true they are! Yes, we say we will never forget the good times…and we shouldn’t. But we also shouldn’t forget the bad times…or the joy and good we found in spite of them. Remember the night…remember the darkness, the valleys…and remember the joy that even they brought.

I let Hannah decorate the flopped cake with leftover icing…she had so much fun:-) As we stuck a shamrock cookie in the middle of it for Saint Patrick’s Day, and Mom came home and helped me finish my cake, we grinned. “What smells in here…what have ya’ll been doing?!” Mom asked. I looked at Hannah. Hannah looked at me. I pointed my finger at her, she pointed hers at me. “DON’T say a word!’ we both said at the same time.

Memories. Priceless memories. Untradable memories:-)

I will always remember this night!